In which public transit real estate starts a firestorm on an internet that seems to have gotten in the habit of treating news articles and essays as the easily skippable pre-amble to marveling at all those wacky, crazy posts in the comments section; One of the most awful laws in the history of ever gets put to a vote in Virginia; People with big arms are big meanies; So are uncaring Canadians looking to wipe out Mother’s Day; Good news is that we know when Game of Thrones is going to end; We know that there’s going to be a cool new cartoon series for Star Wars, and we know that Yahoo has promised that when we make animated gifs and post Star Wars/Game of Thrones slash-fiction, they won’t delete it from Tumblr after they buy it.
In which George R.R. Martins abilities at conveying “Sexiness” are called into question; A milestone in mankind’s history of trashing the Earth is run over like a small animal darting in front of a SUV; The roots of modern warfare are traced back to the game of Dodgeball; The similarities between Wichita and Westeros are examined; The IRS feeds political gremlins long past midnight; Political pollsters waste their downtime between elections taking the pulse of the populace as it relates to Gaga & Bieber; At least one theater in the country has decided not to show movies in 3D if they’re not shot in 3D, and one of the biggest cases of cyberbullying turns 10 years old, and you probably didn’t even know that’s what it was when you watched it.
In which we discover even McDonald’s has secrets, seedy, chicken-y secrets that you probably shouldn’t test at the drive thru; Mankind continues its streak of testing the limits of technology by finding new ways to murder; Science is applied to anti-environmentalists to discover just how fruitful their spite gland can really be; Jersey City’s mayor is maybe the dumbest elected official in the country; The cure to baldness is finally found on the same week that a superflu and the sequel to AIDS are both discovered; Luckily, we find out we’re all going to live fifty years longer than we used to.
In which the true nature of Cort and Bobby’s friendship is revealed for what it really is; America’s ineptitude with finances encompasses both the indirect funding of enemy combatants in the middle east, and congress forcing the Army to spend over 400 million on tanks it doesn’t even want or need; A former Supreme Court judge tries to refund the crappy decade she personally purchased with her stupid decision; Iceland is standing on the verge of having created the best phone app ever invented; Men too stupid to stop themselves from objectifying women can now take a pill for their stupidity; The first active gay athlete comes out, and only Metta World Peace can put it in perspective; Unfortunately, nobody can make sense of Sylvester Stallone’s decision to turn Rocky into a broadway musical, and more.
In which the secret of second sleep (which isn’t a secret, really) reveals one of the few custom from “The olden days” that might actually still work in modern society; Former President Bush finally breaks radio silence at the wrongest possible moment – so did Donald Trump; Luckily, there was a kinder, nicer, more generous old man who showed up at a Red Sox game to counteract their douchitude; The Cinnamon Challenge has finally prompted doctors to issue a health advisory, which is almost as bad as learning that stoners have taken to recreationally smoking HIV medication; Speaking of people getting super-high all the time, Flavor Flav got inducted into the rock & roll hall of fame, and there are parents in New York who think you can potty train your kids by grunting at them over the sink.
In which we talk about Boston, and how Patton Oswalt and Fred Rogers got a lot of people to focus on how best to make a difference on a day like today: look to the ones out there helping people, and try however you can, to get things back to normal. Getting back to normal for us includes reporting on North Korea fulfilling it’s role as the world’s brattiest little kid knocking stuff off the shelves at the global supermarket; Reuters suggests the internet is making people ruder while we suggest the internet more effectively points out who deserves to be treated rudely – for example, the kind of people who freely use homophobic slurs in a soccer game, or the kind of people who clog up social media help desks with complaints about fish; the FCC discusses backing down from their insipid language restrictions; Jeb Bush might have disqualified himself from any run at the Presidency; The sad fate of Captain Underpants, and Scripps just made the National Spelling Bee about 30x more fun to watch.
In which LL Cool J knocks himself out and leaves almost no room for a comeback; A protester discovers the ony possible way to defy Russian President Vladimir Putin and get away with it; Hillary Clinton’s presidential campaign started last Friday whether she officially announced it or not; Washington pot dealers are finding it more difficult than they thought to get banks to take their wadded up rolls of stanky twenties; KFC is trying to murder their own heritage by retiring both their bones AND their buckets; Presidential politics is shown to be almost exactly like professional wrestling when it comes to the tale of Plan B; Why flying’s gonna feel more and more like falling in the future; and we remember Roger Ebert.
In which we survive “National Tell Your Friends a Stupid Lie” day, one day after surviving “Hide Eggs and Eat Ham” day, which causes us to contemplate the scale of b.s. holidays and where Valentines, St. Patricks and Easter fall on that scale; A couple of the dumbest defenses of homophobia are coughed up by some otherwise smart people; We stare into a neverending spiral of existential horrors spinning out of a YouTube video starring getting hurt in a basketball game – that is, when we’re not staring at the miniseries adaptation of The Bible featuring Ninja Angels and Barack Obama as Satan; Mutual admiration for a classic album turning 25 yaers old somehow leads to a conversation on “The Karate Kid’s” effects on an entire generation and the careers of both Michael Jackson and Will Smith’s childrens; and finally, a deep, incisive and insightful look at why it’s always dangerous to go to sleep around white men, especially if they’re within reach of a Sharpie.
In which Jim Carrey fundamentally understands the concept of “edgy” and “controversial,” but that doesn’t stop people from vomiting up the reaction he was looking for; The purest comic book villain in world politics might be up to his old, mysterious tricks again on a level that Boris & Natasha wouldn’t even recognize; Science discovers the perfect way to get rid of the earworms that haunt your workday; Bill Gates puts up a bounty to bring Prophylactics into the future, a place that the IRS went to in 2010 for the low, low price of 60k in taxpayer dollars; History Channel introduces a new weekly series keeping you up to speed on the possibility it might rain planets tomorrow; and the face of civil disobedience in the future just might belong to the man we know as Bow Wow.
In which Portland celebrates the finest of Irish traditions: Running a marathon and getting plowed immediately thereafter; Richard Nixon was even more villainous than we’d already assumed; The GOP’s CPAC panels seemed to be fueled by an almost atomic lack of self-awareness; Fueling the human body via one blogger’s self-experiments with proto-slurm; A pair of stories about how the educational system is not doing right by the athletes moving through it; The reason your local news bloopers are increasing on YouTube, and Rob Thomas explains why the Veronica Mars kickstarter is a lot closer to a typical film production than a lot of people might think.