In which the power of Superman completely rearranges the whole order of things: Our typical top-of-show free-flowing banter is shunted to the back of the episode, like a spoiler-filled dessert for people who wanna hear us yap about Man of Steel. If you haven’t seen it yet, don’t worry – the whole front of the show is chock full of nutritious news about China trolling the US; Snowden trolling Dick Cheney, who trolled him first; Spielberg & Lucas trolling USC Film Students who just found out their chosen profession is going to probably implode before they graduate; The American Juvenile Detention System seems to be really good at making younger, stronger criminals; The two items in your house that will make your kids up to 3x smarter than other people’s kids; The secret behind Will Smith’s memorable performance on a special Father’s Day episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, and why the hell are film writers tripping so hard on the last 30 minutes of the new Superman movie?
In which a couple really stupid things happened on the internet, one involving Superman fans, the other involving Microsoft trying to sell you a video game by telling you all about the crappy, annoying experience you’re bound to have; Indie game developers get in on their own controversy, trying to fix female sexuality via Mobile Gaming; Why you should probably not just shrug and “so what” at the NSA leaks; How political television in America can be fixed with a single snooty British person; The application of serious science to your scrotal region is coming sooner than you think; Chewbacca gets treated a hell of a lot worse by the TSA than Han Solo ever did, and one of the greatest urban legends about the Vietnam War is completely debunked.
In which basic physics fail the children playing on Cort’s backyard swingset; Making a bed “from scratch” is explained; Monsanto tries the “not me” defense when their genetically engineered wheat is found in the wild; a Russian scientist is trying to create actual Cylons; Michael Douglas has no idea how curing cancer actually works and it’s really embarrassing to his wife; The solution to America’s employment problem is solved via YouTube comments; Why the most recent Game of Thrones wouldn’t have happened if Lord of the Rings fans were running the ship; Will Smith endures his first serious summer bomb, and President Freedom ruins his campaign by drafting Fartman to be his running mate.
In which Cort sees the best parts of his personality in his two daughters – the devious, mischevious parts, specifically; The untold story of Satan’s lasting curse on Bill Gates is finally revealed; The Catholic Church can’t keep their crazy superhero Pope on the leash; Women finally get their own form of viagra; The New York Times breaks down why people still buy into conspiracy theories even when reliable evidence to the contrary is readily available; The latest chapter in ridiculous movie tie-ins comes with six strips of delicious bacon, just like Superman likes it; and the oncoming wrath of the millenials is going to be a beautiful thing to behold.
In which public transit real estate starts a firestorm on an internet that seems to have gotten in the habit of treating news articles and essays as the easily skippable pre-amble to marveling at all those wacky, crazy posts in the comments section; One of the most awful laws in the history of ever gets put to a vote in Virginia; People with big arms are big meanies; So are uncaring Canadians looking to wipe out Mother’s Day; Good news is that we know when Game of Thrones is going to end; We know that there’s going to be a cool new cartoon series for Star Wars, and we know that Yahoo has promised that when we make animated gifs and post Star Wars/Game of Thrones slash-fiction, they won’t delete it from Tumblr after they buy it.
In which George R.R. Martins abilities at conveying “Sexiness” are called into question; A milestone in mankind’s history of trashing the Earth is run over like a small animal darting in front of a SUV; The roots of modern warfare are traced back to the game of Dodgeball; The similarities between Wichita and Westeros are examined; The IRS feeds political gremlins long past midnight; Political pollsters waste their downtime between elections taking the pulse of the populace as it relates to Gaga & Bieber; At least one theater in the country has decided not to show movies in 3D if they’re not shot in 3D, and one of the biggest cases of cyberbullying turns 10 years old, and you probably didn’t even know that’s what it was when you watched it.
In which we discover even McDonald’s has secrets, seedy, chicken-y secrets that you probably shouldn’t test at the drive thru; Mankind continues its streak of testing the limits of technology by finding new ways to murder; Science is applied to anti-environmentalists to discover just how fruitful their spite gland can really be; Jersey City’s mayor is maybe the dumbest elected official in the country; The cure to baldness is finally found on the same week that a superflu and the sequel to AIDS are both discovered; Luckily, we find out we’re all going to live fifty years longer than we used to.
In which the true nature of Cort and Bobby’s friendship is revealed for what it really is; America’s ineptitude with finances encompasses both the indirect funding of enemy combatants in the middle east, and congress forcing the Army to spend over 400 million on tanks it doesn’t even want or need; A former Supreme Court judge tries to refund the crappy decade she personally purchased with her stupid decision; Iceland is standing on the verge of having created the best phone app ever invented; Men too stupid to stop themselves from objectifying women can now take a pill for their stupidity; The first active gay athlete comes out, and only Metta World Peace can put it in perspective; Unfortunately, nobody can make sense of Sylvester Stallone’s decision to turn Rocky into a broadway musical, and more.
In which the secret of second sleep (which isn’t a secret, really) reveals one of the few custom from “The olden days” that might actually still work in modern society; Former President Bush finally breaks radio silence at the wrongest possible moment – so did Donald Trump; Luckily, there was a kinder, nicer, more generous old man who showed up at a Red Sox game to counteract their douchitude; The Cinnamon Challenge has finally prompted doctors to issue a health advisory, which is almost as bad as learning that stoners have taken to recreationally smoking HIV medication; Speaking of people getting super-high all the time, Flavor Flav got inducted into the rock & roll hall of fame, and there are parents in New York who think you can potty train your kids by grunting at them over the sink.
In which we talk about Boston, and how Patton Oswalt and Fred Rogers got a lot of people to focus on how best to make a difference on a day like today: look to the ones out there helping people, and try however you can, to get things back to normal. Getting back to normal for us includes reporting on North Korea fulfilling it’s role as the world’s brattiest little kid knocking stuff off the shelves at the global supermarket; Reuters suggests the internet is making people ruder while we suggest the internet more effectively points out who deserves to be treated rudely – for example, the kind of people who freely use homophobic slurs in a soccer game, or the kind of people who clog up social media help desks with complaints about fish; the FCC discusses backing down from their insipid language restrictions; Jeb Bush might have disqualified himself from any run at the Presidency; The sad fate of Captain Underpants, and Scripps just made the National Spelling Bee about 30x more fun to watch.